Monday, November 3, 2008

Some Stuff I've Learned About Men and Women and Families From Watching the News, Commercials and Sitcoms.

Women have license to cry. Men may only cry if their team loses the Super Bowl of if they kicked in the crotch.

Parents must be reminded every day to talk to their kids or they will neglect doing so.

All single people are afraid of commitment.

A fat guy can marry a thin, beautiful woman. A fat woman gets ugly guys or cats. Or nothing.

All fathers of teens wear sweater vests and glasses. It is impossible for a woman under the age of 29 to have children.

There are no ugly men or women in bars.

If a mother stays home to raise her kids, she is a "stay-at-home mom". If a father stays home to raise his kids, he is a "Mr. Mom".

All teens are wise-asses.

When women see other women in wedding dresses, they feel self-conscious and cry.

Single people believe that all married people are miserable.

The only sport kids want to play is soccer.

Every single mother has a crazy, hectic life.

Everyone waits until they are well into their thirties before having children. The disparity in age between grandchild and grandparent is never less than 55 years.

Fathers are stupid and clueless.

All women love shoes. All men love golf.

Mothers who microwave dinners for their children are heroes and must do so in a $60,000 kitchen.

The one thing families on TV rarely do is watch TV.

Smooth skin, body spray and beer make women go insane for a man.

If a couple has a child on TV, their lives barely change at all.

A man and a woman, sitting in two old-fashioned clawfoot tubs anywhere on earth, is the same as having sex.

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